PLEASer

"People pleasers" are the nicest and most helpful people you know. They rarely say “no.” Unfortunately, people-pleasing can be an extremely unhealthy pattern of behavior. A person with a people pleaser personality is someone who seeks validation from others to prove their own #self-worth. A People Pleaser is a person who typically thinks they are less worthy than most other people and find their worth in taking care of others requests and needs. While a people pleaser may believe they are helping by accepting the requests of others, in many instances, while it might validate the pleaser, it may actually be limiting the development of the one making the request.

How to Tell if You Are a People Pleaser

  • Do you often feel resentful of others?

  • Do you feel slighted at times by the expectations of others?

  • Do others ask you to do things that they could easily do themselves?

  • Are you unable to show or express your real emotions to others?

  • Do you have difficulty drawing boundaries?

  • Do you tend to put everyone else’s needs above your own?


4 Suggestions to Stop the Madness

#1 Internal Validation:

Most people pleasers are desperate for validation and appreciation. They want to feel needed, so they become overly helpful and say “yes” to most everyone and everything. This makes their sense of #self-worth contingent on the approval of others and not their own internal measure.

One way to fight people pleasing is to recognize what makes you – you. Recognize and invest in what makes you unique and special – its ok to recognize yourself for the victories and accomplishments you have achieved as well as the special characteristics that make you special. Do things that you enjoy and that reinforce your #confidence. Surround yourself with those who value you for who you are not what you can do for them.


#2 Start with Small No’s:

It can be hard to say no at first, so start with something that doesn’t have a lot of significance attached to it. For example, consider saying no to things that you have an existing conflict with. Or, if someone asks you to grab dinner, consider a shorter coffee or suggesting another night instead. Start with small no’s to practice for the bigger ones.